Prophecy's Burden
by Drea Jackman
Summary: When Jonas goes to visit Sam in the Infirmary, he’s guilt-ridden and broken. It’s up to Sam to help him see just how much he means to the team, and to her. [Set during Prophecy] [Sam/Jonas]


A/N: Just a little Prophecy insertion cause I admit it, I like reading Sam/Jonas fics  
:). The first Sam/Jonas I've written and maybe the last depending on how reviews  
go. If it sucks I'll not burden you further, lol. Any feedback would be much  
appreciated, thanks :).  
  
Prophecy's Burden  
  
The first time it had happened, she'd been right there. Watching the wave of pain  
sweep through his body before disorientation kicked in and he began to push  
himself away from the table. His progress had been slow, but as soon as he'd  
managed to stand up, the dizziness hit him and al she could do was watch  
helplessly.  
  
***  
  
"Jonas?" Colonel O'Neill asked, noticing his teammates disoriented attempts to get  
up from the table.  
  
Teal'c and Sam turned to see Jonas slowly getting up with much effort.  
  
"I need some air," he managed to utter before the darkness consumed him. He was  
out cold by the time his head hit the ground.  
  
"Jonas?!" Sam asked at the sudden fall of her friend.  
  
Within seconds she was at his side, her hands gently cradling his head as his eyes  
stared up at her blankly. It was one of the most terrifying things she'd seen, and  
appeared too much like death to stop let her take control of her heart rate and stop  
it pounding in her ears. When she couldn't rouse him, she turned to the others for  
help.  
  
** *  
  
"Hey," Sam said, smiling as Jonas entered her infirmary room.  
  
Jonas stopped a few feet away as if getting closer would cause her some sort of  
harm. He leaned rather awkwardly on the monitor stand beside him and finally  
brought himself to look at her as she greeted him.  
  
"How you feeling?"  
  
"Slightly over-cooked," she replied in an attempt to lighten the mood, but it didn't  
bring a similar smile to his features. She felt her heart lurch as his eyes dropped to  
the floor, his stance betraying the heavy burden of the guilt he was carrying. "Janet  
says I'll be fine."  
  
Jonas nodded heavily as his eyes flitted back to hers briefly. Sam caught the look  
in his eye for a moment and reached out to him, patting the spot by her side. He  
nodded in understanding as before and went to sit by her, his head hanging heavy.  
  
"Sam, I'm sorry."  
  
"For what?" Sam asked surprised.  
  
"If I'd just kept my mouth shut you'd have gone on the mission. None of this would  
have happened."  
  
His voice couldn't hide the crack evident in its edge. She had no idea that while  
she'd been unconscious, he'd stood motionless in the corridor outside. Completely  
consumed by guilt he'd been terrified to move incase she'd be dead when he  
entered the infirmary.  
  
"Jonas..."  
  
"I envisioned it exactly as it happened, but I didn't understand it. I misinterpreted  
the vision and I won't make that same mistake again."  
  
The look he gave her was beyond sincere. He was promising her something she  
knew he couldn't have kept under control. It wasn't even his fault.  
  
"Don't do this to yourself."  
  
"I've been thinking about this alot," he said and bit his lip thoughtfully before  
continuing. Sam knew he meant it. This was a conversation he'd had inside his  
head over a hundred times already. She had to hear him out. "Now I have always  
been hyper-observant; I see details that other people miss..."  
  
Jonas paused to close his eyes, hand coming up to touch his aching head for a  
moment until the pain passed.  
  
"...I see patterns. Maybe predicting the future is an extension of that ability."  
  
Sam closed her eyes, shaking her head quickly to discuss his claims.  
  
As the rest of their conversation covered all the scientifics of why predicting the  
future accurately couldn't be done, Sam knew he was taking no comfort in her  
rationality. Jonas simply thought she was trying to absolve him of any guilt or  
responsibility he may have harboured about her accident.  
  
"The best we can do is calculate probabilities," she continued regardless.  
  
"Okay, so then I'm seeing probable futures?"  
  
"Maybe."  
  
"But every vision I've had has turned out exactly the way I saw it," he said with  
determination.  
  
"It doesn't mean they all will, Jonas."  
  
Jonas took some comfort in her words and lowered his head, unwilling to argue the  
point for his guilt any longer. His head was pounding too hard for him to  
concentrate. He reached up to lay a hand on his forehead again and closed his  
eyes.  
  
"How you holding up?"  
  
Jonas turned to look at her briefly and tried to smile, but she knew he'd been in  
pain since he'd started having the visions.  
  
"I really am sorry," he said quietly.  
  
"I know you are, but you don't have to be."  
  
The quality of his expression changed. He was ridden by guilt and even though it  
told him he deserved it, a part of him longed for its release. Now he looked to her  
for relief.  
  
"I just can't stop thinking about it. Your heart stopped out there in the corridor and  
I couldn't even move," his voice trailed off as he relived the moment again.  
  
"It wasn't your fault, Jonas. Don't hold onto it like that. Just let it go."  
  
"I can't!"  
  
"Look," she said more firmly and laid her left hand on his arm gently. "I'm fine.   
You were only doing what you thought was right and who's to say it wouldn't have  
been worse if I'd gone off-world?"  
  
"What about probabilities?"  
  
"Forget probabilities. Concentrate on the future."  
  
"The visions," he began but Sam cut him off.  
  
"The real future, Jonas. Focus on getting through this. You've heard what Janet  
said. Please let her help you?"  
  
Jonas closed his eyes and held his breath as his head pounded hard yet again. The  
headaches were almost constant now and he was exhausted. His mind kept racing  
and no matter how much effort he put in, he couldn't make it stop. It was wearing  
him down in the most painful way possible.  
  
"I will, but we should get as much information from this as we can. The visions  
could provide vital information of great value, I just have to hold on," he replied,  
but the determination with which he'd spoken earlier was now gone.  
  
"You're not a lab rat. Jonas these things are killing you! Why won't you let Janet  
stop this?"  
  
"Because."  
  
"Because why?" she fired back, getting tired of seeing him push himself until his life  
was on the line.  
  
"Because these could be important," he answered sounding just as withdrawn as  
before.  
  
"Jonas, you're important - way more than some stupid visions!" Sam said pouring  
as much sincerity into her voice as she could and praying he'd believe her this time.  
  
Jonas stopped to gaze back at her for a long moment, then dropped his attention to  
the hand still holding onto him protectively and finally nodded.  
  
"I just don't want anything to happen to you ... any of you. This place, it's like my  
home now. You gave me this and I wanna give something back - I wanna be  
worthy of SG-1," he said honestly opening up for the first time.  
  
"You've always been worthy of the team. Colonel O'Neill wouldn't have chosen you  
if you weren't. And I happen to have it on the best authority that you're incredibly  
important to at least one of the team," she confessed and offered him a slight smile  
hoping he'd pick up a little now as her hand slid into his and gripped it.  
  
Jonas stared at her again as if unsure of how to take her seeming confession. Was  
she really saying what he thought she could be saying? It was all too confusing,  
and right now his head was pounding too hard for him to concentrate on anything  
else but the fact that she was there ... and so was he. Not alot mattered to him  
beyond that for in the last few hours both of them had their lives on the line.  
  
"My mind just keeps racing," he sighed deeply. "I can't make it stop."  
  
Sam looked over the young man perched on the side of her infirmary bed. He was  
usually so bright and full of life. Nobody she knew had a smile as warm and honest  
as his. But now he was a shadow of the man she knew. The past few hours had  
drained him both physically and mentally. Now he slumped where he sat, mind and  
body breaking slowly under the strain. It broke her heart.  
  
"How long since you slept?"  
  
"Not since the visions started."  
  
Sam closed her eyes briefly on a sigh that shared his exhaustion. He paused to look  
down at their hands momentarily then squeezed slightly to return her gesture.  
  
"C'mere," she said quietly and scooted herself over a little.  
  
It wasn't like the bed was a double that could easily accommodate two adults, but  
the infirmary beds were bigger than they once were. If she had to stay there for  
the next few hours for observation, she figured she might as well have company.   
Besides, Jonas was in need of some kind of support and she knew he could use the  
rest.  
  
Jonas didn't question her offer at all. It surprised him as he moved to accept it, that  
he could feel so thankful for something as simple. As an adult there had been may  
times when he'd been stressed with nowhere to turn for the kind of simple contact  
comfort offered to him now. He'd never gone through anything as frightening  
before and it felt nice to not have to explain it to someone. Sam just knew without  
him needing to ask for her help.  
  
He slid further up on the bed and brought his booted feet up to rest on the bottom.   
As he did so, Sam turned onto her side and Jonas mirrored her actions. They lay  
opposite each other, bodies making contact at just about every place as their heads  
settled on the pillow only a short distance apart. He sighed deeply and opened his  
eyes to see Sam's blue eyes staring back at him.  
  
"I almost lost you," he whispered softly.  
  
"Jonas," she sighed and reached out to lay her hand on his arm. "You're not alone  
here."  
  
Jonas' eyes closed on another sharply inhaled breath and he felt them begin to  
burn. Sam watched as the last walls holding his controlled facaude in place began  
to crumble and fall. The dim light from the corridor outside caught the tears that  
welled up under his dark eyelashes and glimmered as they trickled down toward the  
pillow.  
  
"I've never been so scared," he said and the crack in his voice caused her heart to  
break a little more.  
  
Jonas knew she thought it was only the visions that were behind it, but in truth he'd  
been more scared by the prospect of losing Sam than anything else. Sure it  
terrified him that he couldn't control this thing that was killing him - that had  
almost led him to killing her - but they came a close second to the reality of losing  
her. Especially now.  
  
"I know," she sighed and leaned her forehead against his, being careful not to hurt  
him any more in the process.  
  
As she reached out and wrapped her free right arm around him, she felt him do the  
same with his left. His body shook a little more with release than it had with the  
pain the visions had brought. He fought to regain a sense of control that was no  
longer his. She felt his hand fist in the back of the scrubs top Janet had given her  
so she didn't have to wear another gown. He was holding her as close as he could.   
It was as if he was irrationally afraid that she'd be snatched away from him at any  
moment ... or that he would.  
  
"This is gonna be okay."  
  
Jonas opened his eyes, leaning back a little until the blurred vision before him  
began to come into focus. He felt the warmth of her touch brush over his face,  
drying tears. Suddenly he felt silly, losing control in front of her, but then he  
remembered why and he didn't care. What was happening to him now was  
extreme, but he didn't have to be alone. He understood that.  
  
"Promise?" he mumbled.  
  
"Promise," she answered and brought her hand back to rest in his.  
  
Sam stretched her left arm out from under her and out along the top of the pillow  
just above his head. From that point, she could easily rest her hand against the  
back of his head and as she began to run her fingers through his short hair  
soothingly, she brought their joined hands up to rest between them at chest height.   
Sam could feel the steady beating of his heart against the back of her hand and was  
sure Jonas could feel hers too. It was a comforting sensation to share at that  
moment and one they both needed to feel on some level.  
  
"Just go to sleep, Jonas," she breathed and leaned forward to place a soft kiss on his  
forehead before resting her own against it.  
  
Jonas drew breath long and deep as he finally felt himself begin to relax. His head  
still ached and he was still afraid, of both the reality of Sam being hurt by his vision  
and the fact that they would ultimately kill him. He'd already made his decision to  
let Dr Fraiser go ahead with the surgery when he'd finished with Sam... but that  
could wait. Here she was, alive, and he felt safe in her arms. It was a feeling that  
Jonas clung to as he slowly began to drift off into a peaceful sleep. 


End file.
